Expert: It's just fulfilling a need
The bottomline to having “friends with benefits” (FWB) is that people are fulfilling the normal physiological process of having sex.
That’s the opinion of Dr Ilias Yee, Family Health Development Association of Penang vice chairman.
He says in modern society, women are no longer treated as commodities and they are more empowered in making decisions, even in the context of sex.
There are now also new prevention methods such as contraceptives and condoms to stop pregnancies as well as sexually transmitted diseases from spreading.
Dr Yee says FWB is another form of relationship where both sides are not committed to one another.
“It is whatever that works for both parties,” he says.
Complications, can however, develop, he warns. This is especially true when one of the parties changes the rules or doesn’t stick to the arrangement.
“It could be someone falls in love, or one of them does not want to do it anymore. It could also be that they have lost interest or found someone else more attractive.”
He says an FWB could also stop if either party “catches a disease”.
Dr Yee stresses that as in any relationship, to maintain an FWB relationship, it is important to stick to the arrangement or have the ground rules such as “not kissing and telling” and confining it to casual sex.
Communication is also key to having an FWB as things could evolve over a period of time.
“It could be two people who are sexually attracted to each other but this eventually dies off and there is commitment and love,” he stresses.
Whether it is safer to have an FWB compared to a one-night stand, Dr Yee reminds that while ideally it would be best to abstain from sex or being faithful to one partner, practising safe sex is important in any sexual relation.
He says the question of whether sex is better in such a relationship also depends on the parties involved.
“It could be better because there is no obligation, complication or expectation,” he says.
“It could also be more exciting because they are being more naughty or because they could be doing it with two or more people.”
He has had people who are in FWB relationships coming to him for advice.
“As a healthcare professional, my job is not to judge. It is to help people maintain a healthy lifestyle,” he says.
However, he adds since we are a society of values, it is recommended that people stick to these values as there are parties that will judge us based on our behaviour.
Published Oct 25 2009
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